Before becoming parents, your life may be full of different activities and stimulation from work, friends, working out, hobbies, family and your partner.
After having a baby, your life may be full of snuggles, love and also; diapers, breastfeeding, bathtime and lack of sleep, which can make you feel in grief from the activities that you used to enjoy.
Sometimes we tend to deposit all of our expectations and needs in our partner, thinking that he/she is the only one around that can meet them, which can put a lot of pressure onto the relationship.
In the following, we will talk about some of the changes that having a baby involves, the impact they may have in your relationship and some ways to overcome the issues that these may bring.
Common changes in relationships after having a baby
When you become a parent; mother or father, your identity changes as well as some of your views and values. Now you are responsible for someone else’s well being; which includes health, psychological development and education, among others.
You also now have someone new in your routine, and that baby demands all of your attention, which can make each of you feel like this little one is taking not only all of your time, but he/she is also taking your partner´s time and attention (which some of it used to be directed to you).
Your whole routine changes when your baby is born, especially in the first months. You sleep less, spend more money, have a lot less time to take care of you, do errands and have a social life.
Having constant lack of time for sleep can make you both exhausted, anxious and even depressed; your sexual desire may lower as well, and you may not have any excitement to try new adventures together.
Why are we having problems now?
After becoming a parent, each of you changed a bit (or a lot) and so has your life.
Some partners can feel left out regarding the baby’s care, when the mom and/or relatives insist that only the mom’s know what to do; since they didn’t deliver nor breastfed, partner´s may feel lonely or useless in the process, which can affect your relationship.
Besides feeling left out, here we share with you some other common reason´s why relationships have problems after having a baby:
- One of you may not feel that you are getting all the support you need during this period, whether it is help or attention.
- Your parenting styles can be very different; which includes how you each want your baby to be taken care of, which pediatrician you chose, how much money you want/can spend on your baby; or one of you may not want the grandparents to be involved as much as the other.
- Domestic duties and caregiving: once your baby is born, domestic duties double, now you have less time and you may feel overwhelmed with so many tasks, especially if you are both working.
How to overcome relationship problems
- Make no assumptions: it’s important to talk everything out, if you expect your partner to do something that hasn’t been talked about before, you may get frustrated, keep in mind that each person is different and what may seem obvious to you, may not seem the same to others.
- Make time to have conversations: although it may seem that there isn’t enough time to make conversation, having it may save you a bunch of time from arguing, upsetting with each other and from undivided chores.
- Keep the small gestures alive: we understand that you are both very tired, but a big job can always lighten up when feeling affection and gratitude from your team mate, so don’t forget to show some kindness to your partner.
- Focus on your own feelings: while having a difficult conversation with your partner, maintain focus on how you feel instead of attacking your partner; rather than saying “you are so lazy” you can say “I´m upset there are many house chores that aren’t done”.
How to maintain a healthy and happy relationship after having a baby
Keep in mind that before becoming parents you were partners, and you still are; even though your life has changed. Do not forget why you chose to be with that person and what you like about him/her.
Remember that you are a team and as well as it may seem that you disagree; at the end you are both on the same path of keeping your family healthy and happy. You just need to find a way to communicate your needs, feelings and thoughts in order to find a routine that works for you both.
And overall, this isn´t a fight to win, but a life together to enjoy!
In Breastfeeding 101 we hope this information has helped you to learn more about how to keep a healthy relationship after having a baby and we love to invite you to follow all of our content in order to learn more about this topics.
In the following we share with you some of the sources that made this article possible:
- Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This I The New York Times
- Must babies always breed marital discontent? I American Physiological Association
- New parents face 6 years of disrupted sleep I ScienceDaily
- Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept I Springer Link
- Relationships after having a baby I NHS
- Relationship difficulties and help-seeking behavior I Department for education
- The Impact of Parental Relationship Satisfaction on Infant Development: Results From the Population-Based Cohort Study DREAM I Frontiers
- Tips for new parents I NHS
- Trajectories of Relationship Supportiveness after Childbirth: Does Marriage Matter? I National Library of Medicine
- When three’s not the charm: How to manage the higher risk of divorce when baby comes along I The Washington Post
Annie Rueb
