Research has shown that choosing breastfeeding instead of formula can be influenced by specific assistance by partners; verbal encouragement and support activities from your partner can help you to choose and sustain breastfeeding which the WHO recommends as an optimal health choice for baby´s.
So, even though it may be thought that partners had nothing to do with breastfeeding, they do influence a lot.
How can my partner feel included in breastfeeding?
Since your partner isn’t recovering from pregnancy nor breastfeeding, sometimes you and the people around you can exclude him/her from some conversations, attention and decision making which can make him/her feel lonely or inadequate.
First of all, it’s important to recognize that he/she is becoming a parent as well and his/her involvement is as important as yours (in its own way).
Involve your partner in all the information about nursing, you can both ask for the assistance of a Lactation Consultant and talk about your needs, concerns and possibilities regarding breastfeeding and decide together what you can do about it, what role can each of you take on it and what new routine and choices you are going to make.
How can I get practical support from my partner
Studies showed that specific types of support from partners such as assistance with household and taking care of the baby led to better breastfeeding practices.
Also, some mom´s decide to quit breastfeeding sooner than they wish to since it can become very overwhelming and time taking, so your partner´s help and intervention could be a great way to prolong it as much as you wish.
Here are some options of practical support that a partner can give while breastfeeding period:
- Ask your partner to take care of the things that you need but can’t get done because of breastfeeding, which could be grocery shopping, running some errands, household chores, etc.
- If you are going back to work, talk to your partner about how to share the new routine.
- Talk about your feelings, breastfeeding could get stressful sometimes and emotional encouragement is a great comfort.
How can my partner bond with my breastfed baby
Breastfeeding time does not have to exclude your partner, you can involve him/her in the process by snuggling together which has been found to increase oxytocin levels ( the “love” hormone) in both of you!
Here are some other options in which you partner can bond with your breastfed baby:
- Let him/her do the burping job afterwards.
- Your partner can have snuggles with your baby by having skin to skin contact with him/her while laying down.
- If you wish to, you can talk about pumping some breast milk so your partner can take care of some feedings (this is not recommended before your baby is 4 weeks old in order to avoid confusion and maintain a healthy attachment during breastfeeding).
Sex and breastfeeding
Between recovery, postpartum hormones, breastfeeding, lack of sleep and taking care of a baby; sex may be not be the first thing on your mind; you may be feeling your pleasure and intimacy needs being met while breastfeeding as your oxytocin levels go up, so having sex with your partner may not be a big desire during this period, but do not worry, this isn´t a permanent thing.
It’s important to avoid expectation and to be kind to yourself, you are going through a lot and the important thing is to maintain communication with your partner about how each of you is feeling; and if you feel the need to do so, you can always get professional counseling to help you out with communication.
Other factor that may interfere with sex while breastfeeding are:
- Being sore or in pain from delivery (ask your doctor for the right time to go back to your sex life after childbirth).
- Your breasts could be sore or engorged.
- Feeling overtired because of the lack of sleep.
- Breast milk leaking from your breasts while being stimulated.
- Painful sex because of less estrogen production which takes care of vaginal lubrication.
- Feeling self conscious because of your body image after birth.
Things that you can do to maintain intimacy with your partner while you are still breastfeeding:
- Make time to cuddle each other.
- Maintain a kind communication. It’s not all about duties, keep in mind that you are a couple and you are allowed to enjoy each other.
- You can try new things together to relax, such as giving each other a massage.
- Take care of yourself, you may feel in a better mood if you have healthy habits even if that seems like a big effort now, it will make you feel better.
- Use a lubricant (ask your healthcare provider for a recommendation).
- Nurse before sex so your breast milk doesn’t leak if that bothers you.
In summary, involving your partner in the process of breastfeeding isn’t just a “kind thing to do ” but an essential. You are both in this together and his/her support will help you through this process and can make it easier for you!
And although there are some challenges that you will confront during this period, this isn´t a forever thing, your baby will grow up faster than you think and then you may be able to recover some of your old routine and even new enjoyable activities.
In Breastfeeding 101 we hope this information has helped you to get a clearer picture on the importance of the involvement of your partner during breastfeeding.
We invite you to follow up our content to learn more about this topics and if you want to know more about the role of your partner in breastfeeding, in the following we share some of the sources that made this article possible:
- A Dad’s guide to breastfeeding (men need to know about it) I NHS
- Breastfeeding in the Community—How Can Partners/Fathers Help? A Systematic Review I National Library of Medicine
- Fathers still can bond with breastfed babies I MISSISSIPPI STATE UNIVERSITY EXTENSION
- Maternal perceptions of partner support during breastfeeding I International Breastfeeding Journal
- Partners and breastfeeding I abm
- Sex and contraception after birth I NHS
- The role of fathers during breastfeeding I ScienceDirect
- The Role of Fathers in Promoting Exclusive Breastfeeding I Cureus
- Encouraging breastfeeding:
- The role of fathers I Journal of Health Visiting
- What dads should know about breastfeeding I Public Health Agency
Annie Rueb
